Be Ready For Anything - Just Follow These Simple Instructions

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything. The crack icon interpretation team at frankhunt.com has done extensive research on the meanings of the pictures. Here are a few interpretations :

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbols have a lot in common. Think about it.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand. What?

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
Hiding in the file cabinets is never a good plan

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice soft drink and a can of tuna before you die.

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run	If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.	If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder	Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.	Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbols have a lot in common. Think about it.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!	The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.	What?
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.	If a door is closed, karate chop it open.	If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile	After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.	If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.	If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.	If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.	Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.	Hiding in the file cabinets is never a good plan
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.	Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice soft drink and a can of tuna before you die.